It started with another trip to the ER in Hackensack on Sunday where I was admitted in a whirlwind for a whole host of GI and pain issues. I clawed my way out on Monday morning in order to not miss my Sloan Kettering appointment, where again I was immediately admitted. While getting the pain under control with massive doses of liquid narcotics, I’ve spent the week here to get my digestive issues worked out – literally, gut strength training – so they’ll be in solid condition to support me through my first round of chemo.
That’s all I’m going to say about my pains and health saga play by plays. Today’s date has me thinking about The Fight. I am in the first phase of this fight for my Independence. I draw strength from your outpouring of support and true peace of mind that comes from knowing that you are there for my family and me in all manner of tangible and intangible ways. This fight came to me. I was called out with a massive sucker punch, but I intend to pour every ounce of my energy into winning, going on the offence, kicking cancer in the head every chance I get.
I’m focused not simply on extending life as long as possible, and I want years, but I want days that are filled with quality and love – and LIFE. What use is 100 years of being alive if it is filled with fear, self-doubt and uncertainty? It should not take a grim illness such as the one I’m battling to realize that another year of ‘being alive’ is not the same as another day of ‘LIVING LIFE!’ I’m not afraid of dying; that’s worse than death. Not being afraid of anything opens up a lot of possibilities.
That said, I have so much to be HERE for and I’m going to put everything toward that aim of living long as well. The first thing I need to do is to stabilize my health through starting the chemo regimen (looking like Monday). Once that is done, I will be able to focus on looking at longer-term opportunities. I want to explore clinical trials, experimental drugs, diet modification, stem cell research, 3D organ printing, you name it. I’m open to exploring every option and solicit your ideas, connections, whatever you can offer, and I will leave no rock unturned. I will make public my medical records for anyone to share and review.
No one has ever been cured of this disease (when discovered at stage 4, as mine has) and statistically speaking, it progresses very rapidly affording no time for self-pity or navel gazing. But someone WILL be cured of this disease, and then the world will have forgotten that it impossible. Why can’t that person be me? It can be.
Of the many wide ranging and special gifts you are bringing to help me with my fight, today I am especially touched by Rachel Kendall. She is putting together a “Kick-A-Thon” at her MMA to help raise money for crushing cancer, dedicating her first campaign to help me. She’s subsequently inspired many of her fellow franchisees to take up the cause by kicking cancer in the Face. Take a look at her site on FB to see what’s happening.
Another great thing that happened today. My wife, our sisters, and my children came by Sloan Kettering where we spent the afternoon in the Rec Room eating and making crafts. Few pictures below.