Dear friends,

Some of you may know that the past few days have presented many challenges and many miracles. We're still at Sloan but hope to get home soon. Today, the kids are visiting and making a craft led by daddy. It's a happy day.

Love, Michelle

Dear friends,

A short but sweet update: Todd had a better day. He is working really hard to regain his strength to leave ICU. I was impressed with how responsive he was today. He reached for my hand and looked me in the eyes. He recognized I was there. In typical Todd fashion, he wrote questions for the doctors. He has a fighting spirit and is so determined. I'm in awe. We listened to Coldplay and had a good time visiting with friends and family. His humor is still alive and kicking. :)

Love - Michelle

Dear friends,

Many of you who know Todd and me, know that Todd does most of the talking. Today I'll do the "talking" and hope that my words will make him proud.

During today's procedure to remove liquid from Todd's abdomin, Todd aspirated into his lungs. A pulmonary team tried to remove all the liquid and they realized that Todd has been aspirating while he has been sleeping for the past several days. The complication here is now pneumonia, which he is being treated for. So...Todd is currently in intensive care and sedated in order to give his lungs a rest. He will be in ICU and sedated for the next few days. He is still receiving pain medication and chemo drugs. The nurse said he is stable. I saw him and the nurse said to talk to him since he could hear me, even if he can't respond. I won't lie - it was an awkward conversation. I'm not used to Todd not offering a rebuttal or solution or something!

Some of you have asked if Todd is up for visitors. While it may be difficult while he is in ICU, my response to you is: have you met Todd?? Of course he wants you to visit! He loves you! We know there are no words to say -- don't worry, once Todd is out of ICU, he will do the talking for you! Just bring yourself and a smile! :)

I will continue to visit Todd in the ICU and can use your help. I need things to say beyond the niceties that last a few minutes. If you have a joke or a link to an interesting article that I can read to him, please post it in the comments below. Visiting hours are 11 am - 7 pm, and so I need more than the standard "I love you," etc. etc. to keep things interesting.

While this isn't necessarily the most awesome news I could be posting, a good friend told me that we have to take this a wave at a time. Todd's in the best care right now, and he will pull through. We will ride this wave until the next one comes.

Please know that your positive thoughts are keeping us going.

Love - Michelle

Dear friends,



Today is a milestone day -- Todd is well enough to start his first chemo treatment today!



While this is by no means an easy road to travel, a lot of things are going our way:

-- a paracentesis is planned in the next couple of days to remove abdominal swelling

-- a nerve block will be performed on or before Wednesday, which will relieve a lot of pain

-- and of course, chemo has commenced, which is our first step in removing the cancer.



Todd remains at Sloan and we expect him to be discharged on Wednesday. The care here has been great. The nurses are attentive and caring. The food is delicious. The visitors have all been super cool. ;)



Love - Michelle

I can’t believe that another week has gone by since my last post.  It’s been a bit crazy, as you might imagine.

It started with another trip to the ER in Hackensack on Sunday where I was admitted in a whirlwind for a whole host of GI and pain issues.  I clawed my way out on Monday morning in order to not miss my Sloan Kettering appointment, where again I was immediately admitted.  While getting the pain under control with massive doses of liquid narcotics, I’ve spent the week here to get my digestive issues worked out – literally, gut strength training – so they’ll be in solid condition to support me through my first round of chemo. 

That’s all I’m going to say about my pains and health saga play by plays.  Today’s date has me thinking about The Fight.  I am in the first phase of this fight for my Independence.  I draw strength from your outpouring of support and true peace of mind that comes from knowing that you are there for my family and me in all manner of tangible and intangible ways.  This fight came to me.  I was called out with a massive sucker punch, but I intend to pour every ounce of my energy into winning, going on the offence, kicking cancer in the head every chance I get. 

I’m focused not simply on extending life as long as possible, and I want years, but I want days that are filled with quality and love – and LIFE.  What use is 100 years of being alive if it is filled with fear, self-doubt and uncertainty?  It should not take a grim illness such as the one I’m battling to realize that another year of ‘being alive’ is not the same as another day of ‘LIVING LIFE!’  I’m not afraid of dying; that’s worse than death.  Not being afraid of anything opens up a lot of possibilities.

That said, I have so much to be HERE for and I’m going to put everything toward that aim of living long as well.  The first thing I need to do is to stabilize my health through starting the chemo regimen (looking like Monday).  Once that is done, I will be able to focus on looking at longer-term opportunities.  I want to explore clinical trials, experimental drugs, diet modification, stem cell research, 3D organ printing, you name it.  I’m open to exploring every option and solicit your ideas, connections, whatever you can offer, and I will leave no rock unturned.  I will make public my medical records for anyone to share and review.

No one has ever been cured of this disease (when discovered at stage 4, as mine has) and statistically speaking, it progresses very rapidly affording no time for self-pity or navel gazing.  But someone WILL be cured of this disease, and then the world will have forgotten that it impossible.  Why can’t that person be me?  It can be.

Of the many wide ranging and special gifts you are bringing to help me with my fight, today I am especially touched by Rachel Kendall. She is putting together a “Kick-A-Thon” at her MMA to help raise money for crushing cancer, dedicating her first campaign to help me.  She’s subsequently inspired many of her fellow franchisees to take up the cause by kicking cancer in the Face.  Take a look at her site on FB to see what’s happening. 

#KickCancerInTheFaceForTodd

Another great thing that happened today.  My wife, our sisters, and my children came by Sloan Kettering where we spent the afternoon in the Rec Room eating and making crafts.  Few pictures below.


~Todd

Dear friends,

Here's a quick update on Todd. He was admitted to MSKCC ("Sloan") and will be in the hospital there for about a week. They have done a superb job connecting dots and assessing his condition. We have seen so many doctors already, which is great. They are all awesome (and really beautiful which we had a laugh about). Todd is being treated for a bowel obstruction and possible infection in his abdomen. After these issues are addressed, we will then discuss chemo options. That discussion has not happened yet. I'll keep you posted. Your care for us is amazing.

Love - Michelle

P.S. Special shout out to Kristen who keeps our children laughing.

Dear friends,

With your support and Todd's will to fight, we reached a major milestone today. It has been a very intense day and I will save the drama for our next beer together. Bottom line is that we made it to Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in NYC. Todd is resting peacefully. We are in the best hands and will live happily ever after.

Love - Michelle

Last night and today, Todd was in awful abdominal pain. We made a decision to try a larger hospital to remove abdominal liquid (10 liters!). It was on a hope and a prayer that a doctor would do this procedure today, on a Sunday. We were told "not likely" multiple times and then we got an answered prayer - a doc came in and agreed to do this procedure!!! We can breathe now, and Todd will have relief prior to our Sloan appointment tomorrow. Thank you all for your positive thoughts and prayers. We are SO happy!!!!

Love and smiles - Michelle

Dear Family and Friends,

It’s been a little over a week since I received my diagnosis; Stage IV Pancreatic Adenocarcinoma.  It’s about the worst cancer card you can pull out of the deck.  Subsequent to getting this bombshell news, I’ve been back to the hospital 2 times (4 more days) to have various related issues addressed.  Meanwhile, we’re trying to learn as much as we can about the disease and treatment options, securing records, and scheduling consults.  On top of this, I’ve been physically exhausted and dealing with a lot of pain. 

As distressing as this has been on my family and me, what’s more overwhelming has been the outpouring of love and support.  We are so grateful for those have contributed advice, made connections, and donated to the fund that was set up.  The donations will help us significantly in the short term, as neither Michelle nor I are currently working while we address my immediate health issues and sort out the treatment plan moving forward.  In addition to clinical trials, we will also explore experimental treatments, many of which come with significant out of pocket expense.  Thank you for helping to make this possible!

Since diagnosis, I’ve had a couple of oncological consults and we’re very excited that Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center will review my case on Monday, June 30.  My hope is to get admitted into their program and get started on a chemotherapy regimen immediately (likely the Folfirinox regimen), as the cancer is spreading as I write this.  Once I get stabilized with chemo, I will have more energy and time to explore additional options like clinical trials and experimental drugs (under “compassionate care” use) that offer more hope than the standard chemo / palliative care plan.

My definition for success in this fight is to live as many quality days as I can for as long as I can.  As dim as the prognosis is, I am hopeful that there is a treatment out there that will help me enhance the quality and the extent of my life.

We could use your help with some research on these fronts.  Michelle or I will post again soon with some specific requests that we’re hoping our precious support network (that’s you) can help us with.

With gratitude and love,

Todd

#zestforlife

Yesterday Todd had 5.5 liters of liquid removed from his abdomen. He was quick to convert that to approx. 7.33 bottles of wine. He is feeling a lot better.

Thank you for your positive thoughts and prayers.

- Love, Michelle